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by Nia Patterson

Jun 6, 2024

How to Have More Fun Dating When You're a Fat and Queer Person

Hey there, friend! Today, we're diving into a topic that feels pretty niche but is so important: how to have more fun dating when you're a fat and Queer person.

Let's be real, dating in 2024 is tough for everyone. But when you add being in an objectively fat body and being openly Queer to the mix? It can be a whole new level of challenging. The dating game isn't for the faint of heart, and finding ways to fill your cup instead of draining it is crucial, especially when it comes to dating apps.

Let's Just Say it...Dating Apps Suck.

Dating apps can be a real P.I.T.A., but there are a few things I do to make showing up on them suck a little less. First and foremost, I make sure my dating bio aligns with who I am. It sounds like me, it looks like me, and it lets people know exactly what they're getting when they come across my profile. I don't apologize for being who I am, whether that's talking about being deeply into body liberation, being an activist, or engaging in "witchy shit." This is me, take it or leave it! Having this approach to my bio and dating app process, in general, has made my time on dating apps a lot easier because it weeds out people who want me to apologize for being too much.

Alright, let's jump into my top four tips for having more fun dating when you're a fat and Queer person, shall we?

Dating Tip # 1: Surround Yourself with Supportive Community of Queer and Fat Folx Outside of Dating

First off, make sure you are surrounding yourself with a supportive community of fat and Queer folks outside of dating, too. Yes, we're looking for community through dating, but it pays off to have an existing support system around you. Whether it's long-distance friends or people you hang out with on the weekends, having people on your side is crucial. When things go wrong, or you have a tough time, you need someone to lean on, vent to, and talk to about how rough things have been.

Dating Tip # 2: Expand And Tighten Your Standards When It Comes to Dating On Apps

Next up, make sure to both expand and tighten your standards when it comes to dating on the apps. I know it sounds like a juxtaposition, but hear me out. 

Expanding your standards means being open to different body types, genders, and even distances. This allows you to meet more people and have a better chance of finding someone who clicks with you. the same time, we need to tighten our standards around what kind of BS we'll put up with! If you don't want people talking shit about your body, don't let them! Write them off quick. Be upfront about your boundaries and have the ability to break out of that space if someone crosses the line.

Dating Tip # 3: Don't Stay Down if You Get Knocked Down, Get Back Up

Thirdly, if [and when] you do get knocked down, don't stay down, get back up again. 

Online dating will inevitably hurt your feelings at some point, whether it's a snide comment, a bad date, or getting ghosted. When that happens, take time to feel and heal your feelings, and make space for the rawness and hurt you're going through. And then commit to getting back up and pushing forward again. Don't let one shitty person stop you from dating forever. Give yourself time, but don't stay down when you get knocked down.

Dating Tip # 4: If You Hate Being Around Yourself, Others Will Too

My last tip is a little poke right in the soft and tender feels.

If right now you hate being around yourself, others most likely will too. I know this can feel like a bit of a harsh sentiment, but if you're constantly putting yourself down, other people will notice and want to spend less time with you. 

You have to hold the vibe when it comes to how you deserve to be treated. Show up and let people know where the bar sits and where you expect them to show up for you. If you can't do that, no one else can do it for you. So make sure you're doing your own internal work to have a more comfortable relationship with yourself, and others will have an amazing relationship with you too.

Final Thoughts

Those are my thoughts on this topic, friend. I hope these tips were helpful, and I can't wait to hear if you apply them in your dating life. Remember, dating while fat and Queer is not easy, but it can be a lot more fun when you set boundaries, expand your horizons, and love yourself throughout the process. You've got this, friend!

Want More Helpful Advice? I've Got You Covered!

If you found these tips helpful and want more advice on navigating the world at large as a fat, Queer, non-binary human with a good deal of ADHD and the 'tism, I've got plenty more where that came from! Head over to my author blog page at Queer Psych to read more of my posts on dating, self-love, and living your life as an awesome human in the world.

And if you want to read more directly from me, be sure to sign up for my own email list as well!  You'll get all my latest musings delivered straight to your inbox. Click the link below to sign up! 💖

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Mental Health, Relationships

by Nia Patterson

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