For the Little Black, Gay Kid that Never Got to Be Free

As Black people, we reflect so deeply on the importance of freedom, expression, and reclamation of our identity rooted in Blackness. We are taught that our ancestors have fought for our current rights and therefore we can conquer and navigate through anything.

We build communities around our shared likeness to protect ourselves from the pains of a white supremacist society and the agony of daily microaggressions in school, workplaces, grocery stores, and more. It’s quite beautiful to see the sense of belonging that is established despite the cage society attempts to place us in before they get the chance to know us.

But what happens when you’re gay…..

Or honestly any part of the LGBTQ community? Unfortunately, for many young Black kids, they are not given the same sense of protection, comfort, and belonging when LGBTQ identities come to the forefront. The message shifts to something more painful, such as “you’re lovable, except the (insert LGBTQ identity) part of you.”

Many young black kids learn it’s unacceptable to be gay long before they realize they may be gay themselves. You hear the rhetoric about others in the community or even worse, you’re never exposed to Black LGBTQ individuals, resulting in feeling that you truly are alone.

If you relate to this, know that you are seen. Unfortunately, the inner child questioning their identity, or feeling that it was unacceptable, may not always get the chance to be fully seen.

You see, when you are a Black kid that knows you’re gay and you lose that sense of community, encouragement, or pride in all aspects of your identity, you can easily learn to separate from that little Black, gay kid. Leaving them inside as you embark on a quest toward safety and security in adulthood. As an adult, you may find yourself feeling proud, have better boundaries, and find love and self-worth beyond what was imaginable. All of this is beautiful and worth every ounce of attention.

But what about the little Black kid that never got to be free?

They are often on the sidelines watching you grow and feel proud, but that doesn’t automatically mean they are on the journey with you. For me, I didn’t realize my inner little Kayla still held the messages of pain and not being good enough for being gay until I went back to rewrite that narrative. I knew it was important to because every time I felt proud or accomplished, I noticed a little part of me that couldn’t fully embrace or accept it.

If you relate to this, I invite you to reflect on some of the following questions to begin building a bridge with that little gay inner child that needs to know it’s okay to be free now:

1. What messages did you receive as a child related to being (insert LGBTQ identity)? How tightly do you find yourself still holding on to those messages?

   
   

2. If you were to speak to that little child version of yourself, what would they want you to know about their experiences? Can you validate or acknowledge them? What about their experiences make sense to you?

   
   

3. What would you like that little version of you to know? What would help them to feel free? Write or say them aloud and imagine sharing them with that younger version of you.

You were always important, worthy, and beautiful as you are. Remember that.

Especially the little Black kids that felt they had to choose between their Black identity and being gay to receive love and protection. I see you.